a conversation

an excerpt from an arbit conversation i had with a friend(T) of mine(SD)... i like the way he phrased the things...

T: at the end of the day everything rolls down to the personal level
T: are you really satisfied with what you are doing ?
T: put yourself into those boots, if the answer is affirmative, then go for it
T: find out your passion and work for it
SD: but what if you dont really have a passion for something..? you just like it and you are good at it ?
T: then you are just going with the flow
SD: and what if you cant find anything that you are passonate about ?
T: then chill out
T: take a break and instrospect yourself
T: explore your instinct
SD: is it not possible for someone not to have any passion at all ?
T: i dont think so
SD: why not ?
T: its when your link with your instinct gets loose that you cant feel your passion even if you can see it

can you really become detached from someone whom you were very close at some point in the past and are still in touch with..?
there are 3 people i was very close to some years ago... but then something happened leading to a one sided fight and a one sided hurt... through the years, the contact has been maintained, mainly indirectly and occassionaly personaly... small things have been happening all along to firm up my detachment...
but the strange thing is... i think or feel nothing towards them when i am not in touch or in minimal contact... but when due to uncontrolable situations, i end up with them, things are very formal in the beginning... but gradually as time progresses, some sort of old feelings start taking over.. and when its time for them to move away once again, i feel bad... and once they are gone, the detached feeling returns home !

so basically alot of confusing drama that happens once in a while...! wish i could decide and stick to it once and for all...

strange feeling...

one of the most frequent things to happen to me... mind and heart in conflict.
my mind is telling me for a fact that something is just not possible, that its not going to happen... but my heart just doesn't want to accept it... its still clinging onto a few last shreds of hope, living in a fancy world in which all the wishes are fulfilled..! its a feeling like when u think u deserve something and want it but not motivated enough to work hard towards getting it... but still like to hope that somehow miraculously u will just get it !
i know it sounds totally adsurd, but i've been in such a trance like state all day long today.. though i still dont know why.. could be a number of things, but cant pin point any specific reason...