If today was your last day on earth, how would u spend it?

There are a million things I could do – most of them the firsts of things on my wish list – paragliding, making love, going to the Himalayas, meeting some people…
But I don’t think I am afraid of dying at all… I am afraid of a slow, painful death… but not really of being dead…
Guess that’s ‘coz I am just not really attached to anything in my life which would make me paranoid at the thought of losing it. Of course it couldn’t be materialistic… but there’s no such activity or person either… Sure I do have parents and some friends who would sincerely and truly grieve for days after I am gone… and whom I’ll miss…
But nothing that would wanna make me fight the devil… and that’s what takes the life out of my life… it already sounds as if I am dead inside…
Where did life go… there are still places I wanna see, things I wanna do, books I wanna read, people I wanna meet… hopefully including the love of my life, who “supposedly” should be my husband…
But how would I truly react if I was told that I have 24 hours… the thought doesn’t scare me at all… just makes me sad for not having anything to hold onto… but would I still be this detached if it actually happens to me…??
Another way to look at things… “What do I value the most in my life?”
I have completely NO answer to this question!
It’s said that you should live your life so that u have no regrets at the end of it…
In 23 years, I already have a big one… 23 yrs gone by & I am still not having any fun… I still haven’t done anything worthwhile, either for myself or for anybody else for that matter…
What’s wrong with me…? Why am I so detached…? Why don’t I care anymore for the usually imp things/people…? Why can’t I even shed a tear for situations demanding them…? Why can’t I motivate myself to be energetic enough and make something worthwhile out of myself… somebody so that I won’t have any regrets… why do I still persist on being so lazy though I hate it to the core and want nothing else but to be just the opposite of that…
I want to be full of life… I want to love somebody madly… I want someone to love me like there is gonna be no tomorrow…
I wanna care, I wanna live… I wanna be live itself… but how…??
I want something/someone to motivate me… to touch me inside… I want that perfect understanding… my ideal life…
I hate feeling so hollow, so empty inside…I just don’t feel worthwhile being on this planet… this planet & life are meant for living… and I am just not doing so…
Why don’t I care…? Why am I so indifferent to it all…?